Realist
08/01/2007, 20:43
Bored? Or fed up with telephone salesmen? Bored AND fed up with telephone salesmen.
BINGO! Is this the one for you - try it out, you'll love it!
[phone rings]
Customer: (C) Erm, hullo?
Salesman (SM): Good morning, sir! I represent the NewAge Broadband Company, have you heard of us?
C: Um, I'm not good with names. Mine's Neville.
SM: Well, yes, um, Neville. Do you have broadband?
C: I don't think so. Where is it? Under the sink? That's where the gas meter is.
SM: Er, well let me explain. Broadband is a highly advanced new level of telephone communication. Right now you are probably on an ordinary slow telephone line.
C: Oh it isn't slow, I know it isn't slow.
SM: Compared to broadband it is!
C: Okay, what time is it where you are?
SM: It's just gone three oclock
C: Same here! That's fast isn't it?
SM: Well, ye-es but-
C: Hey, you know what? Maybe I have got the broader bands after all! Gee!
SM: Okay, I think you may misunderstand me when I say 'slow'. Do you have a computer?
C: Who hasn't!
SM: (Probably relieved!) Ah, good, now you know what it's like surfing the net?
C: Never done that. Is it safe? My friend goes surfing. Broke his leg. And that was on water. Must be trickier using nets.
SM: I mean, do you connect your computer through the telephone?
C: Don't be daft! I connect it through the mains! Wouldn't work through the telephone.
SM: Er, no, what I mean is, do you use your computer to use the internet?
C: Oh, is that the thing where you tap in a word and you get pictures and things?
SM: Well, yes, probably.
C: I tapped in 'tits' the other day! You should have seen what I got!
SM: Look, I, er-
C: Nothing what I expected though, was real disappointed.
SM: Excuse me sir, but I -
C: All I got was these pictures of women's breasts! I mean, what use is that? I only wanted to find out what they'd come to the table for.
SM: Pardon?
C: The tits! It's cold out. They'll starve if you don't put stuff on the birdtable
SM: Oh I see! Oh I er, well, we've established you have the internet then.
C: Yes? On border bands?
SM: Well, how long did it take for all these pictures of, well..., well how long did they take to download?
C: Ages. Me tea went cold.
SM: Right, so I think you could do with border - I mean broadband. It means all the pictures and, er, things, come into your computer much, much faster.
C: Gee! And will it tell me what to feed the tits?
SM: well, we can assist you with that through our internet package to ensure you get the material you are actually looking for. Now, we can install broadband in your area.
C: Where? I hope you don't have to do it on the roof.
SM: No, no we don't-
C: 'S dangerous that. My friend Colin did that with the starrylite television. Fell off the roof.
SM: Did he? Well, -
C: And so did the television. I told him it was a daft idea.
SM: We don't actually-
c: Killed next door's poodle. Fell on it.
SM: I can assure you sir
C: Call me Neville! Wos your name?
SM: Em, Jonathan. Look, I-
C: THAT's a nice name. Better than Jeremy, I know two Jeremies.
SM: Look, perhaps I can call back later?
C: Oh please do! I've loved our little chat! I'll be in tomorrow all day. The electricity man is coming to take the meter off the wall. Or sumfin'
At this he'll probably ring off and you'll never hear from him again!
LOL :)
Best wishes.
BINGO! Is this the one for you - try it out, you'll love it!
[phone rings]
Customer: (C) Erm, hullo?
Salesman (SM): Good morning, sir! I represent the NewAge Broadband Company, have you heard of us?
C: Um, I'm not good with names. Mine's Neville.
SM: Well, yes, um, Neville. Do you have broadband?
C: I don't think so. Where is it? Under the sink? That's where the gas meter is.
SM: Er, well let me explain. Broadband is a highly advanced new level of telephone communication. Right now you are probably on an ordinary slow telephone line.
C: Oh it isn't slow, I know it isn't slow.
SM: Compared to broadband it is!
C: Okay, what time is it where you are?
SM: It's just gone three oclock
C: Same here! That's fast isn't it?
SM: Well, ye-es but-
C: Hey, you know what? Maybe I have got the broader bands after all! Gee!
SM: Okay, I think you may misunderstand me when I say 'slow'. Do you have a computer?
C: Who hasn't!
SM: (Probably relieved!) Ah, good, now you know what it's like surfing the net?
C: Never done that. Is it safe? My friend goes surfing. Broke his leg. And that was on water. Must be trickier using nets.
SM: I mean, do you connect your computer through the telephone?
C: Don't be daft! I connect it through the mains! Wouldn't work through the telephone.
SM: Er, no, what I mean is, do you use your computer to use the internet?
C: Oh, is that the thing where you tap in a word and you get pictures and things?
SM: Well, yes, probably.
C: I tapped in 'tits' the other day! You should have seen what I got!
SM: Look, I, er-
C: Nothing what I expected though, was real disappointed.
SM: Excuse me sir, but I -
C: All I got was these pictures of women's breasts! I mean, what use is that? I only wanted to find out what they'd come to the table for.
SM: Pardon?
C: The tits! It's cold out. They'll starve if you don't put stuff on the birdtable
SM: Oh I see! Oh I er, well, we've established you have the internet then.
C: Yes? On border bands?
SM: Well, how long did it take for all these pictures of, well..., well how long did they take to download?
C: Ages. Me tea went cold.
SM: Right, so I think you could do with border - I mean broadband. It means all the pictures and, er, things, come into your computer much, much faster.
C: Gee! And will it tell me what to feed the tits?
SM: well, we can assist you with that through our internet package to ensure you get the material you are actually looking for. Now, we can install broadband in your area.
C: Where? I hope you don't have to do it on the roof.
SM: No, no we don't-
C: 'S dangerous that. My friend Colin did that with the starrylite television. Fell off the roof.
SM: Did he? Well, -
C: And so did the television. I told him it was a daft idea.
SM: We don't actually-
c: Killed next door's poodle. Fell on it.
SM: I can assure you sir
C: Call me Neville! Wos your name?
SM: Em, Jonathan. Look, I-
C: THAT's a nice name. Better than Jeremy, I know two Jeremies.
SM: Look, perhaps I can call back later?
C: Oh please do! I've loved our little chat! I'll be in tomorrow all day. The electricity man is coming to take the meter off the wall. Or sumfin'
At this he'll probably ring off and you'll never hear from him again!
LOL :)
Best wishes.